I'm reading Marry Him The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Engouh by Lori Gottlieb, and I have to say....the things she's saying ring very try for why so many women are well educated and by all standards a great catch but are still single....I recommend all your readers get it & read it. It's a very interesting read and has definitely changed my outlook!

I believe that a lot of women are giving their time to a man that has no intention of ever getting married.

I can agree with that.

I find that a lot of men are intimidated by successful Black Female, due to the lack of self esteem within themselves, some are just not ready for commitment or responsibility these are strong yoke holds on our black Males.

I know that it is not easy out here and there are slim pickin's for single black women, but as a married woman, no longer single and looking from the outside; sometimes I think SOME not all of a woman's expectations can be too high when it comes to little things that can be changed. Like a man's dress, etc. But here is a question for everyone... Should women lower any expectations or continue to search for love per their long list....hee hee!

Side note! Good job Sheria!!!!!!!!

I personally do not believe a woman should lower her expectations. She already know what she wants, needs, and look for in a man. If that one person don't meet her expectations, there have to be someone who do. If you lower your expectations for one person, it's possible to do it again with someone else, or lower them more than before.

its ok to lower superficial requirements...its unrealistic for me to keep waiting for a woman that looks like Halle Berry with long hair and a body like Kim Kardashian even though I may think I deserve that and would accept her with open arms lol. a lot of black women are too insistent on finding their fantasy man that not only has to be successful in life and have a career but needs to look like Boris Kodjoe, be able rap like Lil Wayne, have the swag of Jay-Z, when in most cases they can't sing like Alicia Keys, don't have the business mind of Oprah, can't cook like Rachel Ray, or be in shape like Serena Williams. you can have a laundry list of requirements, many superficial, that a guy has to meet, but what happens when that guy whips out his own laundry list of things and applies them to you? if no one compromises on the superficial stuff it will just be a stalemate forever.

In case you didn't see this when it came on tv a while back, ABC did a special about single black women with Steve Harvey:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TL6uVLfKRoo

Dateline hosted another special about this too that was interesting

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYLeeHgjOCY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3kd_jwaDG0&feature=related

Hello Everyone,

Congrats Sheria on all your success! It's refreshing to see someone you knew as a child grow and mature.

Anyhow, I want to put my $.02 regarding why a large amount of successful Black women are single. This issues has stayed on my mind for years and I have came to the below answers.

1. Successful Black women between the age of 20-30 are immature when it comes to relationships. They want to be single whether its stated or on a subconscious level. They want to have a good time at their own whim and they don't want the feeling of being 'chained down.'

When I was unmarried around 25-26, on a weekly basis, I witnessed countless successful Black women (educated w/careers) going to the clubs in packs if 4+ women. They were not focused on finding Mr. Right, they were not interested in having a man buying them a drink (because they were I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T.), and they did not give any man the time of day because it was the lady's night out.

One day I asked myself, 'Is this it?' I came to realization that I was simply tired of clubbing, partying, wasting hard-earned money on admissions, parking, and over-priced drinks.

At 29, I have been married three years now and most of the women in those packs are still single and posting weekly photos of themselves clubbing. Even if those women get married they have a high chance of divorce because they cannot adjust to the married lifestyle.

2. I think successful Black women who are 30+ have missed the bus when it comes to finding a husband of their own.

At 30, most Black men have settled down and started families. If you looking for a successful Black man at 30+ G/L:
He is most likely married,
He is divorced and has baggage,
Or he really likes the bachelor lifestyle - high demand / short supply.

Side Note 1:
I don't think the reason that a majority of Black men don't marry successful Black women is ego driven. I simply think women who aren't "successful" are more mature and ready for marriage than their "successful" counterparts. I know that statement sounds like blasphemy, however, successful Black women tend to want to settle with the 'ideal man' after it is to late (i.e. he is already married - A. Keys, M. Blidge, Fantasia, G. Union)

Side Note 2:
A real Black man will help and support his girlfriend/fiancee/wife attain similar success, whereas most successful Black women will not accept a Black man unless he is 'pre-packaged' with similar or greater success.

I think successful Black women standards are to high these days given that they could help mold a man into a successful or ideal husband and father.

I am going read that suggested book after this long post.

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